disorder

i am feeling very disorganized in my mind today. my body is full of both lathargy and spastic energy at the same time. i have decided to not have my daily caffine due to my mind spasms. perhaps a good term for my feeling is disturbed. working for 10 hours sounds like unbearable hell right now, especially considering the prospect of working both saturday and sunday. i wish my mind would calm down and give me peace.
i have a black hat that is in a style called cadet. it is panama jack brand. for some reason, i don't like it today.
I'm trying to stop smoking again. yea right. i thought that if i burned incense instead, it would in some way satisfy my urges for smokey self destruction. we will see how this stupid experiment goes. i have a feeling that it will end the same way as before and next time: smoking and drinking at the tavern by myself, feeling shitty and thinking about all the things that life could be, if only i had the guts to do it finally; the ability to be successful at any one thing. to make an attempt and not fall back on my ass for once.

well, that was a small bit cathartic to my troubled mind. until later,

k

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